whatever
biggest rant ever~ just warning you.
I don’t know what to do with myself anymore.
I don’t know what to think, what to say what to do or whatever. Who I am right now, who i’ve been lately is such a disappointment. I need someone to help me through all this, but at the same time I wan to stand alone, as I always have… but idk. I’m tired of getting close to people cause I always end up hurt. girl or guy. I don’t want a best friend anymore. My family treats me like shit. Friends are distant.. I love God but I’m doubting him right now. That is so very stupid of me. But I can’t help it. With all the damn restriction I’m in right now I can’t help but feeling like he is against me. It’s all for the best I know but still. I want to feel free. I hate feeling guilty when I do stuff I enjoy. I know what makes me happy and not doing it makes me sad. God told me to love everyone. But idk. I’m doubting everyone in my life right now, I’m not even lying. everyone. Oh so lonely, I’m Ms. Lonely~ I want to talk to someone, but then again I have yet to meet someone who actually understands me. But that would require opening up my personal life, again. And I don’t want to do that, Again. You know why? Every time I told someone something personal, when I share my secrets in exchange with theirs, THAT’S WHEN THEY LEAVE ME BEHIND. right there. Right when I’m emotionally attached to them. I. get. so. hurt. And I wait MONTHS with aggravating & oppressive patience trying to heal. And right when I feel like i’m doing okay someone else comes in. This exact process has happened to many times already. Each time I think the situation or person is different, it’s just always the same. Maybe I don’t want to love anymore. I’ve been through enough. But then again I don’t want to be bitter. I want to be close to people, but I don’t. See how complicated I am? how ALL of this is for me? I want someone to be able to understand all of this. But… I don’t know.
great. Just in time for summer.. I have a lot of time to think. but i’ll be alone :|
no one knows what this is like for me. no one knows how many sacrifices I have to make. But in the end, all my work is for nothing. No I’m not okay. but I’ll make it seem like so.
I don’t know what to do with myself anymore.
sorry to anyone to actually wasted 10 precious minutes of your life coming here and reading this.
y0lo
I really miss how close we used to be. Those days you vented to me, the hand holding, the days where you’d always start the conversation, the slow dancing; the days when I thought I actually meant something to you. ugh I miss everything. I miss our friendship too. I miss being able to talk to you. I wish our friendship was stronger though, because maybe we wouldn’t be as like detached as we are right now. I mean we’re still friends, but things aren’t the same anymore… we both broke our promises. You said you were different and that you wouldn’t leave, and I said I wouldn’t push you away. But I have to. I need to distance myself from you ‘cause i’m just so into you and ugh -.- I know I don’t have that chance anymore.
it’s funny. how the one time I’m actually okay with bending the rules for someone, the time I actually get a chance with a guy as attractive as this one, I get rejected. lolol. just kidding….
Gosh, I’m such a girl -.- I apologize to anyone who actually reads this lololol
well, I don’t think anyone goes here anymore so yea, y0loooooo000o0o0o0o.
